


"Blind Man" Coda to 11x23

by riversfire



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Cas and Dean go on a burger date, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Drinking, Episode s11e23 coda, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, First Kiss, Gen, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Pining, Pining Castiel, Reunited and It Feels So Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-07-10 11:01:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6981664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riversfire/pseuds/riversfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’ll it be?” the bartender asked as she sidled towards him.</p><p>“Whisky,” Cas muttered, still staring at nothing.</p><p>She poured him a glass and set it in front of him, leaving him to it. Cas reached for it hungrily, bringing it to his mouth and tipping it back. He grounded himself in the smell of Dean and the feel of fire in his throat. Lifting the empty cup from his lips, he motioned for more. As the bartender refilled his drink he caught her gaze. “I’m going to need a lot more of that,” he warned her.</p><p>She smiled kindly. “I’ll be here.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blind Man

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally just supposed to be the one chapter. I got a few requests to extend the story and write their reunion as well. I wasn't going to, and it's been months since I left this... But with the show coming back so soon I've been thinking about this a lot and I decided to just do it. Plus I got the idea to use "Carry on My Wayward Son" lyrics for all three chapters and it was too perfect for my little brain to pass up. 
> 
> So, here it is. It's what I wanted, but I hope you like it too. It's technically canon-compliant for another two weeks, so indulge while you can, right? I doubt that season 12 will start out this way. Here's to hoping I eat my words.

When Castiel woke up, he woke up blind. Or at least, he thought he did. It turned out he had landed in a storage locker underground, where the light couldn’t find him. He didn’t mind too much. There was nothing to see anyway. He sat there for a while, staring blankly ahead, sinking into the blackness, trying vaguely to swallow the muddled remnants of his life. And then he remembered.

Sam. He had promised Dean that he would take care of Sam. And he had failed. That woman, she… who was she? Cas didn’t know, but if she had to banish him to get to Sam, she couldn’t be good. There was no telling how long Cas had been here, or even where he was. As the panic surged inside him, he pulled out his phone. After so long in the darkness, the bright light from the screen shocked him and left him blinking stars.

He stumbled onto his feet and out of the locker, more than a little stiff from the journey that sent him in there. He listened for Sam’s prayers, but he couldn’t hear anything. The quiet brought with it a sense of grief that settled into Cas’s stomach and stayed there. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Cas checked the time on his phone—only to realize that it didn’t matter because he had no idea what time it had been when he and Sam had arrived at the bunker. On top of that, the phone had no service.

Cas gritted his teeth against the wave of hopelessness that threatened to overtake him and gripped the phone tightly. He stared around the room, not quite able to get his eyes to focus properly. But he managed to find the hallway, then a door and the stairs behind it. He began to trudge up them, determined to get back to Sam.

Just as he turned onto a second landing, his phone began to ring. He answered it without stopping to catch his breath.

“Hello?”

“Cas?” a pause.

“Sam!” Cas croaked. Before he could ask any questions, Sam continued.

“Where the hell are you I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour.” Sam was too rushed to wait for a reply. “I made it out but she won’t be far behind. It’s the men of letters, they want to put me down. But I’m not gonna let ‘em. I’m not. I’ve gotta ditch the phone and the car…” Cas could hear the pain in his voice at the thought. “Don’t go back to the bunker, Cas. She knows everything—you’ll have to run too. Where are you?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know.” Cas frowned, looking around as he stepped onto a landing marked “ground floor.”

“Okay, well, if it’s far away from here it’s probably a good place to stay.” Cas began to interrupt, but Sam ignored him. “I’m going to have to ward myself from magic. You won’t be able to reach me, but it’s better if we don’t cross paths; two trails are better than one.”

As Sam paused to consider whether there was anything he left out, Cas took the chance to jump in. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Dean said—”

“Yeah, well Dean’s dead,” Sam retorted, as though that settled the matter. Cas was about to let Sam know that it didn’t when Sam let out a noise like a grunt. Cas stopped and listened as Sam continued, his voice softer now. “He’s not going to get his funeral.”

Both men froze for a few moments, unable to continue. Cas struggled to find the words to reply, but Sam snapped back before he could. “If I need you, I’ll pray.” And then the line went dead.

Cas shoved the phone in his pocket and kept walking even though he didn’t know where he was going. He made it out of the building and down the street, following the sun. Dean’s sun. It would be forever Dean’s now, even if no one knew. He ended up on a beach somehow, staring into the sun, not caring if it made him blind again. There was nothing else to see. He baked in his trenchcoat and slacks, but he didn’t even notice the sweat. He just squinted at the sun until it began to fall. And Cas fell with it, lying on his side in the sand, curled into himself. When the sun was fully gone, he stared at nothing. He lay like that for what seemed to him like days, guilt and hurt pooling in his stomach until it formed into what felt like an army of ants that made him want to scream. It was too much. Emotions are too much, Cas thought seriously. He remembered Dean just before they went for that drive, standing angrily at the kitchen table, empty beer bottles spread before him. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to find a liquor store and drink it.

He pulled himself to his feet, stiff and unsteady but with purpose. Looking back the way he came, he saw a bar on the corner and made for it, not bothering to watch where he was going. He kept his eyes on the door until he was through it. Shifting his gaze around the room, he saw that it wasn’t too full. That pleased him, or would have if he could feel pleased. He took a seat at the bar away from everyone else, staring absently at the shelf on the wall behind it.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asked as she sidled towards him.

“Whisky,” Cas muttered, still staring at nothing.

She poured him a glass and set it in front of him, leaving him to it. Cas reached for it hungrily, bringing it to his mouth and tipping it back. He grounded himself in the smell of Dean and the feel of fire in his throat. Lifting the empty cup from his lips, he motioned for more. As the bartender refilled his drink he caught her gaze. “I’m going to need a lot more of that,” he warned her.

She smiled kindly. “I’ll be here.”

Several drinks later, Cas lost his momentum and simply sat cradling a half-full glass of whiskey in his hands. He had wanted so badly to be human for Dean, and now that he was cut off from heaven, nothing to lose, ready to be with Dean, Dean was gone. And he was stuck acting out the part of human alone in a bar who knows where.

“Where am I?” He suddenly asked aloud.

“How much have you had to drink there, sport?” came the reply from the bartender.

“Oh, no, I’m not drunk,” Cas explained. “I just… what is the name of this town?”

“Miami,” she said, giving him a bemused look.

Miami was a bit of a surprise. That was much closer than he usually ended up after a banishment. Maybe I could find Sam after all, he thought hopefully. And then he remembered that Sam didn’t want him to do that. He tried to decide what Dean would want him to do, but instead got lost in the memory of the joke Dean had made one cold night after the leviathan about there being a place called Purgatory in Miami. The thought of Dean’s jokes crushed him and he suddenly felt whatever had been holding him up start to dissipate.

“Are you okay?”

The bartender seemed to have been watching him without his realizing it.

Cas forced himself upright as he managed to reply, “I’m fine, thanks.”

“Did you lose someone?” The bartender pressed him gently.

Castiel looked up, surprised. He could see now that her eyes knew grief, and he suddenly felt his eyes begin to itch with phantom tears. “It was… he was my… best friend,” Cas said, remembering Dean’s face as he used those words in the car just hours earlier.

“I’m so sorry,” the bartender offered. “You must have loved him very much.”

“Yes,” Cas said, knowing it was true. “I didn’t tell him,” he continued, looking away.

Her brow furrowed. “I’m sure he knew,” she said.

“I didn’t,” Cas replied, getting worked up. “You think you know how it feels, watching people. But I didn’t. I didn’t know. I didn’t think. I used to find joy in seeing flowers, insects, people. Now I feel as though I can’t even see.” Cas continued haltingly “…He was my…everything… I would have died for him, I should have died for him…”

“Did he love you?”

“I think so,” Cas replied. “He told me, right before, that I was his brother. For him, there was no higher praise.” Cas’s eyes shone with pride. “I think he… I think he loved me back… in… in the way I loved him too,” Cas said hesitantly. “I just wanted him to be happy.”

“I think that’s important,” the bartender said. “Was he happy?”

“He was happy,” Cas said. “And I… was his.”

The bartender smiled and then headed off to refill a drink at the other end of the bar. Cas sat, thinking about Dean and how he had deserved to know how much Cas loved him. Just then, he began to feel a burning in his chest. At the same time, his phone began to ring. He fumbled to pull it out of his pocket and answer it.

“Hello?”

“Cas you’re never gonna believe what happened.”

It was a good thing Cas didn’t need to breathe. “Dean?”

When the bartender turned around, the man in the trenchcoat had disappeared.


	2. Madman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel rushed out of the bar, pressing the phone against his ear with much more force than actually necessary. “Dean?” he said again. Cas blinked in the abrupt darkness, looking around like he expected to find some physical evidence that Dean was there, alive, and speaking. Somewhere in the back of his vast angel mind, Cas registered that he must look mad. But he threw the thought away when he finally heard the voice on the line reply.
> 
> “Yeah, Cas, it’s me.”

Castiel rushed out of the bar, pressing the phone against his ear with much more force than actually necessary. “Dean?” he said again. Cas blinked in the abrupt darkness, looking around like he expected to find some physical evidence that Dean was there, alive, and speaking. Somewhere in the back of his vast angel mind, Cas registered that he must look mad. But he threw the thought away when he finally heard the voice on the line reply.

“Yeah, Cas, it’s me.”

Maddeningly, Cas couldn’t think of anything to say to that. So he just kept walking, pace erratic and just short of alarming. He hadn’t decided to go anywhere, he just didn’t seem to be able to stop; he couldn’t stay still if Dean was out there somewhere.

When Cas didn’t reply, Dean sucked in a breath and plunged ahead. “So, I’m alive. Turns out The Darkness just wanted some alone time with her brother. We talked, she healed him, they left. Chuck’s gone.”

He paused for effect here, and Cas let out a sort of hitched grunt in reply. 

“Oh and I’m bomb-free by the—”

“Dean,” Cas finally managed, breathing it out like he was in pain. And then in the silence that followed: “Dean, it’s been hours. Why didn’t you call?” The steel in his voice was not unfamiliar, but not welcome either. Cas desperately tried to master the buzzing sensation in his throat and the sick anger bubbling in his gut that seemed to be its cause.

“I didn’t have service, I—“

“Why didn’t you pray.” He growled. It was somehow less a question and more an accusation. Cas’s mind spun in a confusing roil of emotions. Why was anger the one that was winning? He didn’t want to be mad.

“Fuck, Cas, I don’t know I got distracted.” 

Dean sounded irritated, disappointed. It wasn’t right, Cas knew. Guilt invited itself to the party, swirling along in a rush of adrenaline. Cas worked to keep his tone even. “I thought you were dead,” he said.

He could hear Dean’s breath through the phone but nothing else.

Cas winced. “I’m glad you’re alive, Dean. Truly. I am. So…Happy. I’m a little confused. I’ve been drinking,” Cas admitted, as though that would explain everything he didn’t know how to say. It didn’t. Even after drinking for hours, Cas wasn’t even really drunk—at least not like a human would be. 

Dean sighed. “Alright. Uh, Amara did something before she left” he started. “It’s a good thing!” He added, quickly. “I’ve just… been… dealing with it.”

“Okay,” Cas prompted after a pause.

“She brought back my mother. Mary. She brought back my mom.”

“Oh” was all Cas said. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. 

“So, if you’ll forgive me, I was a little distracted,” Dean finished.

“I forgive you,” Cas said quickly.

Dean huffed a little laugh. “Where’s Sam,” he asked, a smile audible in his tone.

Cas’s stomach dropped as Dean continued.

“I’ve been calling but I haven’t been able to reach him, is he with you?”

Cas cut in sharply before Dean could go on: “Dean, where are you?”

“Still in Kansas,” Dean replied. “Lawrence, actually—we got a car—"

“Don’t go back to the bunker,” Cas said. “It’s not safe.”

Dean’s tone changed immediately. “Cas, what’s going on?”

“Sam’s fine. But he’s gone.”

“What do you mean, gone?”

“When we got back to the bunker there was a woman waiting. She used an angel banishing sigil, there was nothing I could do. Sam said she was from the Men of Letters. He made it out but he doesn’t have his phone. He’s on the run.”

The phone was suddenly filled with loud curses.

“We have to find him.

“We will,” Cas vowed.

After a while of listening to each other’s breathing, Dean broke the silence.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Miami.”

“Could be worse” came the reply. “I’m going after him. And her.”

Cas’s breath came out shaky as he tried to figure out what to say next. He felt on fire with a need that he couldn’t articulate. It slipped out of his mouth before he could consider whether it was what he wanted to say. “I could go with you?”

There was a pause, and then: “sure, Cas. 

“Dean, you should know, my wings… I—"

“I know, Cas, it’s alright. I’ll meet you halfway, in Tennessee. Just find a ride and get on the road.” 

And with that, Dean hung up.

Cas came to himself several moments later at an empty bus stop, having finally stopped walking to Nowhere. He found himself contemplating the phone still clutched in his hand with an inexplicable urge to call Dean back. Even weirder was the realization that his heart was beating wildly in his chest as though it was running a marathon all on its own. Even so, when he sank onto the bench in front of him he felt his face stretch into a wide smile. 

As he watched the sun rise for another day, knowing it might not have had the chance to do so without the man he loved, Cas thought back to the conversation he’d had in the bar only hours before. What he said and didn't say. “I should have told him,” Cas whispered to the empty air. Now he would get the chance. He had twelve hours to decide how to do it. Twelve hours until everything changed, or didn’t. Twelve hours to panic and hope and think. Cas sighed as he stood to begin the trek.

“Dean Winchester is going to drive me mad.”


	3. Wise Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m fine, Cas.” Dean said. “Really, I’m fine.”
> 
> “Where’s Mary?”
> 
> “Motel. We got in a few hours ago, I got her a room. She’s still… adjusting. I think she wanted to be alone.”
> 
> “Have you eaten dinner?” 
> 
> “Not yet.”

It was the longest twelve hours Cas could remember having in years. He spent it categorically searching through the ways he knew to tell someone you love them, which didn’t take long, and then the ways that someone like Dean might react, which did.

He knew that people in movies usually just kissed to get the point across. He wasn’t sure that was wise in this case. No, he wouldn’t do that unless it was absolutely necessary.

By the time the bus pulled up to the station in Nashville, Cas had a plan. He stepped off the bus, searching for the impala for a few moments before remembering that Dean would have a stolen car instead. He hadn’t thought to ask what it looked like when he texted Dean the time and place to rendezvous. How stupid of him.

He stepped to the side and scanned the crowd of cars, catching sight of Dean almost immediately. He was leaning against the side of a forest green truck, looking for all the world like everything was normal. Cas stopped breathing when he saw him, and his heart started pounding accordingly.

Dean didn’t see Cas until Cas was almost upon him. Or at least, he seemed not to, though the smile playing on the lips of his downcast face told a slightly different story.

Cas stopped short just inches from Dean, taking him in. He could tell that it was his Dean, just from looking. But he needed his touch, a physical confirmation. He reached out and grasped his arm just above the elbow. Definitely real. Before he could think about it, the rest of him melted into the space between them until there was none left. Cas’s body pressed against Dean’s in a hard line, pushing his back firm against the truck, one hand still caught in his sleeve, the other wrapped around his shoulder.

“Okay,” Dean squeaked out, and Cas had to bury his face in Dean’s neck to brace himself against the memory of their last hug bearing down on him. As he breathed in Dean’s familiar scent, he found he couldn’t bring himself to let go. But Dean shifted on his feet and cleared his throat and Cas took a cursory step back. He kept the contact with Dean’s arm as long as he could before separating completely, meeting his eyes as he did so.

“I’m fine, Cas.” Dean said. “Really, I’m fine.”

“Where’s Mary?”

“Motel. We got in a few hours ago, I got her a room. She’s still… adjusting. I think she wanted to be alone.”

“Have you eaten dinner?” 

“Not yet.”

On the ride to the burger joint, Dean filled Cas in on Mary and the drive over. Cas smiled over at him but stayed mostly silent. It was so easy just to fall back into their routine from before, except for the constant tugging Cas felt around his heart, asking him always to get closer and closer. He didn’t reach out, though he splayed his left hand across the seat between them wide and tense without even realizing.

At the burger joint, they slid into a window booth across from each other. Cas ordered a burger and fries that Dean would probably end up eating and found Dean’s leg under the table with his own after the waitress left them to it. Dean didn’t react at all, so Cas just left it there for a while, resting against Dean’s leg in a tense sort of hold. When the waitress came back with their food much too quickly, Dean straightened and pulled his leg away. Cas squinted but didn’t say anything. He just watched Dean eat, subdued. When the meal began to wind down, Cas decided to start.

“There’s something I’ve been thinking,” He said.

“Yeah?” Dean’s features rearranged into something concerned.

Suddenly Cas felt lost.

“I want… I want to stay with you. Always.”

Dean’s eyes widened a little, prompting Cas to continue.

“When I thought you were dead, Dean, I—I’d never felt such pain. Not when I was human, not when I was tortured, not ever.”

“Oh,” was all that Dean replied.

“I don’t know… if that is what is meant by love—”

Dean sucked in a sharp breath.

“—but I know that I would rather die than be without you.”

Dean’s features softened slowly, like his brain was either working too fast, or not at all.

“Thanks, Cas,” he muttered, looking away. “But nobody’s gonna die any time soon. I’ve had enough of that for a lifetime.” He shot Cas a wan smile before sliding out from behind the table and standing. “Gonna go pay,” he mumbled as he brushed past.

Cas followed him to the front counter, hovering a few steps behind as his head buzzed, unsatisfied with his ability to convey the feelings he didn’t even really understand. He held the door open and Dean frowned as he stepped through it. Cas hesitated to leave, unable to shake the feeling that he needed more; he needed closer. 

When Dean neared the truck he turned around to see what had happened to Cas. Seeing him stalled still at the door to the restaurant, Dean opened his mouth to call out. But he froze mid-motion as Cas’s eyes met his. When Cas began to charge towards him with intention, Dean’s face went blank. Before either of them knew it, Cas was standing directly in front of Dean, still holding his gaze intensely. He had stopped only inches from Dean’s face, and Dean’s eyes widened as Cas leaned forward to close the gap. Both men kept their eyes open as Cas’s lips met Dean’s, pressing gently and chastely against one another. Cas stepped back and blinked, his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage. He saw Dean’s arm move out of the corner of his eye and braced for the hit. But it didn’t come. Instead, he felt Dean’s hand at the back of his neck, pulling him forward roughly. Surprised, he felt his lips crash against Dean’s, the momentum pushing them back against the side of the truck once more. 

After a few shocked moments where both men scrabbled to get closer, fisting their hands in each other’s clothes and hair, the kiss became slow and gentle. When they finally broke apart, they simply stared at each other until one of them, no telling which, began to laugh and the other followed, eyes crinkling and gums showing. They didn’t let go of each other for hours after. Dean took Cas back to the motel, where Cas watched Dean sleep, curled up and beautiful in his arms.

“I love you,” Cas whispered, burying his face in Dean’s neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow me on tumblr at [lunellumcas](http://www.lunellumcas.tumblr.com) if you want.


End file.
